You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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