Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
