dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
