I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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