Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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