dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
