So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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