I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
