dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
