I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
