Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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