Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
