and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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