i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
