You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
