cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
