i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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