I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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