I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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