I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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