I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
