so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
