There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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