I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
