its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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