I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
