walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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