remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
