hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
