you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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