I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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