His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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