Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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