Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
