I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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