i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
