tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
