Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
