I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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