Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
