Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
