Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
