dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
