Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
