So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
