Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
