take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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