nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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