You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
