I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
