You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
