i may or may not be watching the land before time
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
