and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
