Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
