Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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